From The Bottom Of My Heart

guilt is a horrible feeling to experience. when a favour is asked from you but cannot be delivered as expected, you’re bound to be thrown into guilt-dom. even if it is a request as small as ‘please open the door for me’ and you have your hands full that you yourself need it to be opened for you, the fact that that tiny favour cannot be fulfilled does nothing but leaves you in helplessness. nonetheless, what can be done to remedy the situation, although whether or not help can be provided depends very much on circumstances, boils down to sincerity. to those whom i have not been able to offer a much needed helping hand, i would like to apologise.

the bugs of the past are forever unerasable. on a positive note, the certain distinct situations or even a scent that reminds us of past carefree moments will never escape us from the very moment they are etched in our memory bank. deja vu. it evokes an unexpected sense of something that seems close yet generates a peculiar awakening as inexplicable as miracles that not many have the chance to encounter. as peculiar as it is, it always brings me into thought of why things are what they seem to be or are. we understand what they are but not why they are there. apparently, acceptance is the best option rather than delving intensely into doubts to which the answers are out of grasp, if not unreachable. the propensity to be deluded is greatly suppressing. emotions that exist with no intentions can be brushed away or be dealt with. the former is easier, though dealing with it provides the opportunity to dissect the phase that is taking place. even if that leads to grave dissappointment, it at least lays out a fathomable ground for self-satisfaction. when it hits rock bottom, just be sure to let out a smile that would remind you to embrace yourself and be happy that there are people out there who have you on their mind. let go of yourself and look back and see how satisfying it is, then move on. one thing is certain, i’m still learning.

well i’ve been having tis weird pain in da left side of my brain da whole day tat i’m starting to suspect a tumour growing…wakaka..da excruciating pain juz shoots up in half a second n i’d juz get tis blur n lethargic edge to my senses…i guess tis is da culmination of almost a whole sem’s cummulative sleepless nites n reports N assignments tat’s beginning to take its toll at ‘da rite time’, at least it’s betta than having all these while still in uni…orait here’s da bad news…karaoke session’s cancelled on fri…gud news is it’s being replaced wif mamak on sat nite maybe…n i’m glad i’m goin out tmrw…tat’s all…hope tis rocket-like pain will go off soon or i’ll hafta b bed-ridden instead of train-ridden tmrw…*koff koff*

awww…am having backache now downloading da larut pics n arranging ‘em…oh shit…i haven’t taken washed my hair…wakaka(koff koff)kaka…i’m sick too but not in full blast, which doesn’t happen very often…n i’ve got a sexy voice now to boast from screaming too much last nite…i miss larut…haha…tho i was complaining a lil it was afta all quite FUN n cooling i must say…not forgetting we met a friendly pastor (bernard) on da bus who assured us tat it was ghostless, wiping away all skepticism n fears of how most hills or rather those once inhabited by the british were obviously haunted….not only did he offered to arrange taxis to get us up there, he managed to get them at rm8 per taxi instead of the usual rm10…n wat’s more is he arranged 2 vans to pick us from the foot of the hill on da last day to lunch(was on him) before sending us to da bus terminal + a packet of ‘heong peah’ for each n every 1 of all 16 of us….phew…all that n thinking back, we oni started speaking to him oni bout wat, 45 mins before we reached taiping…gosh…can anyone b more generous n helpful than tat….ppl in small towns like taiping are very much friendlier than residents in big cities, particularly the klang valley…they even volunteered to guide us to town when we partially lost our sense of direction en route from the lake garden to get sum ais kacang n popiah on da second day….well y m i going from the back??…shudn’t i start from the first day…LOL…anyway, not all were excited on da first day…d excitement started oni wen da landrover started moving n all hell broke loose….wakaka…tho a few were on the verge of puking n too much screaming was doing no gud…so until we reached the top, silence ruled in da landrover..haha..the 5 of us: liang, kath, jac, sing n me were da last to enter the resthouse…but we got da best room…lol…we were overjoyed by da fact tat we got da biggest room wif da best view n heater(which oni 2 out of 4 rooms were equipped with)…haha…afta cleaning up n having dinner(spaghetti), we set up a fire outside…opened a bottle of red wine n left d oder 1 for the 2nd nite…sang a few songs, burned twigs n branches n drank thru da nite…went into da resthouse again to haf a few rounds of UNO n toked rubbish…basically crapped till everyone dispersed into their rooms….n we 5 on d oder hand were luffing our butts off to sleep…c we started wif 5 on da bed, crammed with no xtra space to even move..jac cudn’t shut her brain switch to standby mode so she had to get up to move the double sofa set into da room wif liang’s help…haha…over all it was fun luffing ourselves to sleep the 2 nites n wat wif a whole family of bees n a rat invading our resthouse..it was great showing off our ‘cooking skills’ too(maggi mee, spaghetti n meehoon)..plus watching gow n gang shaking to the music on da 2nd nite…wakaka….thanx ya’ll for the great holiday in larut:gow, laura, caryn, mings, aud, nic, yennee, wuisun, mun, yeng, tserm, liang, kath, jac, sing…did i miss anyone out??…hope not….CHEERS my frens!!!!!