From The Bottom Of My Heart

it’s been a long time…a great many events have taken place for the span of time that my presence has been absent here and it is impossible that there is enough time to sum it all up…i’m not interested in doing that anyway..=P..just feel like pouring out words and nothing more in the middle of the chaotic state of matrix i’m now suspended in…i have gone through similar battles before but this time’s just seems so different…i wonder what has changed or evolved, but what has gone wrong i dare not think…this is a sign of eluding one’s fears i know, which i apparently am fond of doing these days…as much as i would like myself to seriously embrace that with hopes to progress without having to look back, i feel quite helpless and trapped, especially when the acknowledgement has emerged midway…the detonation of so many issues appears difficult to handle thus far, but i know i will get through that phase sooner or later…with all that and a steadfast attitude to try to maintain a positive outlook in how things might become of, regardless of how they DO and WILL turn out to be, i get a feeling i might implode soon into one of those solitary and cleansing episodes where everything would seem better thereafter, but with a cost of course…i’m crossing my fingers until next week is over, after which i will need to reassess everything in a fresh new perspective to begin another mechanism of survival, the success of which i would be more than grateful for, if it ever will be before another mechanism needs to be conceptualised…