From The Bottom Of My Heart

Today was another rather heat-filled and humid day; I could almost feel the molecules of sweat evaporate from every pore on my face each time I dab a little powder over it.

Just to backtrack slightly, yesterday was an almost wonderful day out shopping with the Mum. It’s always nostalgic to note that whenever the both of us head off to Jusco, it would usually feel as if we’re going through a routine somewhat like a ritual that follows a certain procedure; drive out the house, head towards Jusco, wait a while in the parking lot before getting lucky (it sure always seems lucky at that point in time that there would be a car going off), walk around, shop, complain of fatigue, stop by at McD’s, thereafter leave for home.

I can’t remember when the last time was that we embarked on that ritual. She has been for a few years now been afflicted with excruciating joint/ankle/feet pains. Initially it made me feel frustrated that I could not do my shopping with her as often as I needed or wanted to, resulting in me having to settle with shopping with friends, and more recently, on my own, which I find great joy in doing. It’s pretty refreshing actually, for me to make decisions wholly on my likings, uninfluenced.

Back to the shopping, yes it was fun, but it got irritating at one point that I couldn’t speak my mind, though it got better later after the exit from a particular outlet and entrance into another. The remainder of it was quite pleasant, I managed to get almost all that I had my eyes and imaginations on even before the day came. One discovery that was a near spoiler, however, was the peculiar system about one of the outlets, of which the extra 10% discount that it offered to its members is irritably 10% off the price of the item after the initial discount. My humble mind thinks that it should be stated clearly for customers’ knowledge, otherwise isn’t that just a marketing hoax serving to deceive consumers and not befitting of an international and reputable organisation? Isn’t that just like any other slanderous businessman out to earn big money with little dignity?

Anyway, I’m glad the Mum can walk better now thanks to her magic pair of shoes that has done her more good than not, having allowed her to even trudge the Great Wall, not its entire course, though. Her pains have subsided these days, no more frequent complaints but occasional over-walking aches. Who doesn’t anyway? Even I experience that to a point that I sometimes have to literally drag my legs to make that distance until I get to put my legs to rest.

Tonight was good. A wonderful meet up with Sindhu and Gaya. I can’t explain how much I’ve missed them, it beats me to think I don’t have the opportunity to see them as often. We had great laughs thanks to sustaining antics and such spontaneity everyone is so familiar with everytime we get together. Memories do get the better of you don’t they? Memories and bonds, broken or not, happy or not, continuous or discontinuous.

Before that though, I was sort of leafing through the Mum’s OH! Health and HealthToday magazines and came across this article: 5 Secrets of Happy People, which brings readers to the 5 essential secrets of happiness:

1) A good attitude - healthy attitude towards one’s state of life

2) Never have an idle mind - to have a list of activities to do everyday

3) Always smile - no matter how pressed one is, it releases endorphins so to speak

4) Learn to be happy - oh it takes learning!, to never feel too disappointed if one’s ambition can’t be fulfilled at any point in time

5) Look for the silver lining - never give up in moments of despair

I don’t know why, but there is always a theme of the elements of life that my mind works on.

**blink blink**

PATIENCE IS A TEST OF APPRECIATION

Life is a breeze at this point,

Time is nonetheless the most precious at this point,

Everything else is fragile too at this point,

But what’s more important is security in every sense of the word at this point.

I’m glad I come back to Klang with lots to look forward to and many people to love, share and care.

But I still hope for everyone to have more wisdom, strength and substance, myself not excluded. I’m starting to believe in pure happiness more and more. Pure = real + untainted + refreshing + crazy.

I still feel scared though. Scared of two things I can’t quite put to words or dare think about. Very, very fragile matters. I dare not think further…

***strength keeps us going***scary-nyer***

I’m going off to watch Mukhsin now. Hopefully it’s as good as it was credited to be in the Berlin Film Festival.

I can’t believe it has only been a week of holiday. Suddenly, time is passing so slowly but I guess it’s probably due to the many things that are in plan to keep me busy with. I need to use my time wisely now since these three weeks are precious because I don’t get to do nothing, or rather anything I want to, most of the time. Now that the opportunity has come, it feels odd because some adjustment needs to be done, though it still has been a week already.

I’m so disappointed with the treasure hunt at The Curve on the 26th. They only need 15 teams and thinking back about how excited I was even before the holiday started, I was only crushed when the news came. Though so, I’m still looking forward to this week and next week and Pirates for which we managed to get free movie passes. What I can hope for is that it won’t be as disappointing as Spidey that made me feel cheated. The entire show especially the part when Peter Parker lost his mind in association to the parasite had my eyebrows lifted.

Anyway, last semester was by far one of the most exciting. I was thinking I would not write about it but I just need to because the past few months have opened my eyes a whole lot more. I am more than grateful.

Everything that happens, happens for a reason; everything that does not, does not happen for a reason too. Probably it will happen later, probably it will never, but if the time is not right, no shoving would do any good either.

The one subject that has brought about immense satisfaction and answers yet an abundance of eeriness was Culture and Communication, an elective unit. I seriously felt fearful after every lecture because the subject touched so much on humanity and cold hard truths underlying the social creatures that are us: relationships, conflicts, ethnocentrism, cultures, communication. Yes, it was "scary". So scary that I had to repeat it so many times until the end of the subject unit, after all topics were covered, yet still made me feel a certain dose of terror but also a longing for more.

It was pleasurably satisfying to feel that way in the beginning, because it sure can trigger one to ponder and forced me to have my mind put into a poised frame, at least where these matters are concerned. I wish I can have more of it. With every topic, it made me want more like a positive feedback cycle. It gave me the feeling that even though you think you are so familiar with something, it cannot get any better with dissecting the matter more in-depth formally.

Then there were the meet-ups with the Sime Darbians, all of whom I miss working and having laughs with, the great Bukit Cahaya-cum-Genting trip during which I was denied entrance into the casino but went for great rides and bicycling, the record-breaking one month that I did not come back home, the good times knowing our Creator, the angry, sad moments, the testing times when pressure was all I felt, crazy tests and assignments but I must be mad to have loved Culture Comm’s though felt tonnes of stress doing it, laughable moments with beloved ones, the dong-dong-qiang mood and up till the three weeks of exam-madness, the last third and second days of which I practically puked my dinner and lunch respectively. It was a relief though that I managed to find my mechanical pencil that went missing in the lab during Drosophila-bad-luck-streak. UTAR folk must have been blind or too indifferent or plain ungreedy to have taken it. =]

Now, I just feel grateful and a continuous need to be contented. Like what a friend said, "to find joy in others is the greatest joy of all", well something like that as far as I can remember. Tomorrow, I need to do some shopping alone, something I haven’t indulged in for some time. Nothing major, just to fulfill my yearning to walk around without constraint. May everyone does what their heart desires.

***Appreciation is a test of patience*** - I have been thinking that but now I think it can also be otherwise

***Patience is a test of appreciation***

I’m seated here on this more-than-a-decade-old marble floor with the left side of my entire sitting-shaped body facing the television with Entertainment Tonight playing and documenting Angelina Jolie’s life, her estranged father, Jon Voight, her almost-incestous relationship with her brother, James Haven, her odd marriage and weird marital behaviours with Billy Bob Thornton, and her seemingly bizarre tattoos and lifestyle. I’m just sitting here and going "What?", "What?", "What?" with every feed of information and looking at my bro with brows up from time to time. A true Hollywood celebrity aye.

He can’t seem to delve into the subsconscious realm. I can’t get myself to bed before doing this. And here we are, both in the lounge, two peculiar people of same parents not sleeping for different reasons.

Anyway, rheumatism has struck my bones again; sharp piercing pains poking every micrometre of the solid mass of my bones. I just don’t see the connection between solid mass and flesh and how pain can be transmitted in between them to be perceived as an irritant that is clearly troubling.

I’ve been having bountiful brain activities lately. It holds true that when there is nothing too serious and formal to be occupied with, a person gets into motion with very serious matters concerning body, mind and soul. Everything around seems clearer when one is left to deal with one’s own issues.

It beats me to think how ironic it is as a-matter-of-factly that humans are dependent on each other, yet can see so much better with none around at all; how even with so much to share, we are better able to indulge in deeper reverie company-less.

I wonder what Angelina Jolie is thinking right now. None of my business anyhow, just getting very nosy.

*ouch*