Everytime I’m seated to type, I’d think of how I’ve evolved or am different from before. And the problem that makes the same thought keep appearing is that there are too many I can think of. Self-obsession? I wouldn’t like to think so, too much of self-awareness maybe?!
Everyday now, I’m trying to get everything that needs to be done, done, unlike how procrastination used to be my way of life, leaving all things to be settled in absolute rush with the awareness that they could be given due attention at an earlier time. I probably derived excitement in doing so, being thrilled at the prospect of completing things within a short period and it was as though a slight possibility of regret gave me a boost.
Yuck. I can’t stand that now.
I’m feeling too old to keep up with rushing EVERYTHING in life and I even feel repulsive about people who behave as how I did. Can’t blame them, can I?
I was texting someone the other day, saying that I felt weird because I was contented but unused to the state of contentment I was in. I’m still feeling that way if anyone wants to know but cooling off oddly fast of late. It scares me to a certain degree, as how I’m scared off from a place where the crowd is too large to even speak.
Sometimes, there are certain urges that I have, about getting more fulfillment out of life, not now, next year, after graduating. I was having this conversation with a friend this afternoon and it did not seem to lead to any decision, just more thinking. When I should be worrying about my FYP now even though the titles are not out, I’m thinking way beyond that. About what I want to do that I have not been conditioned for.
I did give the Mum an inkling a couple of months back, she did not exactly shudder at the idea, nor did she approve, but I hope they will be able to absorb events should things unfold not as appealingly to them.
Anyway, Dr Anthony, my Phytochem lecturer, shot a question at us I can’t remember yesterday or today, on whether or not anyone regrets what they’re doing now, this course. Not many show of hands on that. Well, it’s the journey that matters I tell myself and I’m really believing so. Sometimes, I sit and think about a different path that I would like to take if given the luxury of choosing again now after all these years but I can’t put my chips down with a sure mind. I’d think, modifying the body is fun, then I’d think I love chemistry, and I’m so frenzied over sociology and psychology, I miss physics, yet words enthral me.
So, I conclude that as long as the journey is awesome I could do anything, and that means not only now, but anytime in my lifespan. That’s the easiest and most comforting answer I can process, and it certainly keeps me moving. Of course, there is a need to make the effort to shape the journey well too.=D. I’m easily persuaded even by my own mind.
Today, well, the extraction part of our plant (Devil’s rush) in Phytochem was easy. Locals call it ‘devil’s whiskers’. The names people give to plants are hillarious. All we did was to pluck the leaves, wash a couple of times with water, chop them up, add ethanol and seal the flask until the following lab session when we would allow for the ethanol to evaporate. Easy now but I can’t imagine how the isolation of compounds will be like. If there are too many peaks, the extract would need to be concentrated and the isolation step repeated.
Anyhow, plants are good. Fantastic medicinal value they have.
Going for pizza tomorrow with the ‘farm animals’: a chick and a cat (Funny how people and even plants are associated to animals). It will be my whole day’s meal. After that I’ll get back to the tag okay Muthu ah neh? I’m so lazy to do it now. =P.
***yawn***
"The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one" - Wilhelm Stekel
