From The Bottom Of My Heart

Oh dear blog, I MISS YOU! *muaks* and *hugs* and *muaks* and *hugs*

How I’ve longed to pour out my thoughts to you, my digital friend!, besides to the Lord, my ever loving friend and saviour.

I’m in a new phase now. Another new phase. I’m always in a new phase because we’re incessantly renewed through ceaseless journeys: emotional, spiritual, physical. The joy I feel I have never felt before. There used to be turbulence and endless upheavals in my heart but now the storms are overwhelmed by a greater purpose, hope and discerning.

Anyway, I recall this moment last Thursday halfway through lecture when I suddenly felt a growl building in my stomach and I was hit with this awareness that prompted me to share this. Since UTAR lecture halls have been submerged in greatly low temperatures these days, I’ve been getting questions on why I don’t bring my sweater and how I stand up to the cold. I wondered why too, thinking I was accustomed to it after all these years and built resistance against the chill.

But when I felt that growl, I realised that NO, I still felt cold sometimes but not to the extent of succumbing to muscle shivers at the abdomen or trembling jaws, which I enjoy having so I can show people, and YESH, my body was indeed gradually being conditioned to it, by a biological mechanism so simple yet that horrified me!!!

My metabolism hiked up so high everytime I sat through lectures that I would feel immensely hungry yet did not know the reason why! INCREASED METABOLISM, IMMENSE HUNGER!

I don’t blame my body, but I would feel guilty everytime I needed to eat so much to compensate for such incredulous appetite. I’ll just see what I can do to counteract the mechanism. Hmm.

Anyhow, I’m still feeling muscle pains from the Kanching Waterfalls outing with the church people. I was there the first time in Form 5 during the MSSS Softball tournament with the Klang softball team. It was where I lost my spectacles and this time, it was Mei Ling’s turn. Fortunately, there were people to dive in to find for us.

Such bliss it was to be so close to nature and feel the water caressing every inch of the body with natural massages and calming gestures. Awesome it was!

It brought back memories too. Memories. Aaaa. Memories of batting and fielding against Ulu Langat, Hulu Langat, PJ and the other districts. And of being in the intense final with Ulu Langat (I think) but succumbing to pressure. The shouting, the cheers, the rain, the toilets!

We were there this time to edify and evangelise, the theme for the outing. We sang our way there, and Connie screamed the whole trip there (and back); sang "Can’t take my eyes off you" in the public toilet; played captain ball, something I haven’t really played since Standard 5; Mei Ling grabbed me twice to stop me from jumping and catching the ball; Jia Rong mistakenly passed the ball to the rival, me, twice; the guys couldn’t follow the rhythm of an introductory game the gurls were so familiar with so we proceeded to the next game halfway through; Michelle so excited to be at the waterfall and deceived into having videos instead of a picture of her somewhat kissing Connie; Kath had her legs taken snaps of by Jia Rong, twice, again, a very artistic piece of angle, a rock nearby and the legs, apparently; Belinda joined Connie in bullying the "small" boys and constantly threatened to drop people out of her Avanza. Thomas was probably greatly terrified.

At the end of the trip, I was stumped in lame games while eating at McDonalds; the "bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, who dies?" type.=S. But edify we did in spreading love, oh love, and evangelise we did too in serving each other well with entertainment, laughter, flour, water and sandwiches by the guys. =D

Happy 21st Birthday too to these 3 people: Sai Ying (25th August), Yee Kai (26th August) and Connie (2nd September)! Here are your snapshots of 2 decades + 1 year of joy!=P

<- Sai Ying   

   Yee Kai            

                                                  Connie

***speeding off to read reports now***

"Be great, be good, be jolly, be kind, be a listener; love, just love, and love, and love bountifully"

I can’t do much now because things are constantly popping up in my mind.

I wonder whether I’m being too naive doing and saying things as I like, of course with proper consideration, and laughing more and more like a cow.

Yet, I wonder if I can be otherwise, which would be too saddening because the power of choice is in my hands.

I used to think I need to behave, but now I just can’t seem to give two hoots anymore. If it is any consolation at all, or not, or it would be later, I think I need to put my brain to rest now and just continue to laugh like a cow!

***depressed***

"Just be truthful and sincere, anywhere, anytime, to yourself, to everyone else, to God, to YOURSELF!"

Ever wondered, "What do I desire now?" I am desiring nothing at the moment, just praying and gallivanting about the here and now, and the time and space of the moment, with lingering thoughts that are capable of containing many materials in any point in time.

Sometimes I think I have endless things in my mind. They don’t only remain stagnant but often get replaced against each other.

All things and matters are meant to move along with time. The wind that caresses the skin doesn’t pull to a halt at once when in contact with the skin, but propels itself gracefully farther across a wider area, thus effectively manifests a gracious sensation of soft touch that is parallel to time. As seconds pass, the touch intensifies, and subsequently escapes the skin to leave a presence felt. Yes, a presence that brought with it joy, hope and dreams. Joy of the moment, hope of a lasting feel and dreams of more.

It is not so much of the skin that matters, or the soft caress of the wind, but the fact that they did coincide and that the serendipity gave off much to be longed for, or to just be cherished.

I still desire nothing at this moment. I just am praying for many things. Is that desire then? I don’t exactly think so because desire is more of a strong need and longing for something right at a particular point in time, like sex.

Mine are just prolonged desires. I just wish for them to happen, but not now. No, I don’t favour that because if they do happen, it would be too much to handle and things would be insanely loathesome.

I guess I’m just trying to come to terms with the impending load. My mood is extremely clear-weathered now. I am missing this very moment, even as it is passing into the next moment that would be bygone soon again.

I just want everyone to be loved, and to know that in this simple life, there will always be better days. Everyone is forgiven, and the world begins again.

***praying***

"Laughter happens when the border is surpassed"