From The Bottom Of My Heart

An essential part of living through a period of intense load of work is to yap away or to do something else other than the work itself. To yap away does not represent getting away from work but rather, the best way by which to steer the mind to greener pasture.

Within these three months, I have had a few times, the fortune to literally be in the presence of greenery, and they were humbling experiences. Once in a while, you are humbled by others’ righteousness, sensitivity, dignity, substance or organisation, but meeting with the trees and rocks of Bukit Tabur and Gunung Datuk I was trully filled with tremendous and truer-than-ever reverance to our Creator I could bow and scream and laugh praises.

The first trip up to Bukit Tabur was for me, an unexpectedly gruelling climb. A day before, I was literally jumping and screeching in anticipation of the sight of the sunrise that was, in the end, missed, due to unforeseen delays. On the day itself, I was caught unprepared emotionally, thus struggled physically with stinging accumulation of lactic acid and jelly legs downhill. Since the initial plan was to observe the sunrise from probably halfway uphill but suffered a delay, everyone of us decided to just go further and further, though we only passed one of two rope obstacles, which I would love to ascend one fine day.

It was deadly ardous, but I rejoiced much after the trip. The following morning, since Jess was to fly back to Sabah in the afternoon, four of us went up again to this time, really catch the sun upon its glorious arising, which was not from the horizon, instead from behind another hill located right opposite. So needless to say, we hiked up at approximately 5.45 a.m. to rightfully have the sun appear first to us before it woke the rest of KL.

From the first trip, many of us were so hyper over mountain-climbing that we quickly planned our next ascend to Gunung Ledang. The plan had been going quite well, with reminders to equip ourselves properly with camping gears and the stamina, but unfortunately, time and energy have scared us. It was after the trip to Gunung Datuk, two weeks ago, that we all realised how badly beaten and drained we would be if we were to go on as planned. Our projects have been continuous and would roll into the new semester without any official holidays and foresight has dropped many hints that we would definitely break down, what more after Yeng reported that Gunung Ledang is seven (!) times more challenging than Gunung Datuk.

I’m disgruntled that the plan can’t take off but I’m glad I’ve finally gone mountain-climbing, after having been excited so many years about all these. And the Melaka stop after Gunung Datuk was a good memory to behold because we were all so cranky yet had to drag ourselves through the dreadful wait for that German uncle to be done with the wire-twistings of names for a keychain and two handphone chains. And while waiting, Yeng and I got a bag each with much thoughtlessness and tiresome blabbers, and weird looks though helpful opinions from Mun. Caryn and Barbara were just chilling out at a herbal tea stall.

The peak of Gunung Datuk was amazing, I can’t imagine what I would see at other peaks. Every peak is different in its own gorgeously naturally designed way, so the experience is always fresh with each.

Still, ironically, it was a wholesome experience having had to wrestle with many an ache yet stroll along Jonker Walk with childish enthusiasm. I’m baffled at the variety of interesting merchandise they have there. I must go back there someday!

With all these packed hopes, I just miss everyone! I want more but I myself can’t give more.

Current state: broke to the lowest number, quiet yet hopeful.

I’ve been very quiet and people around have been noticing and questioning.

Hope: I will get my dimple to show again.

Wish: I would love to take in the awesome sensation of true tranquility again.

Before I bounce off, here are what I call OMG-iable joy! =]

arggh…can’t get the pictures to appear…nevermind, I’ll do it when friendster’s not so crappy again…

MUAHS ALL!!!

I’m challenged by myself; I’m bewildered at my fragility; I’m shocked at the transparency.

I have realised that sometimes people avoid certain encounters or events not because they do not care anymore, instead, they can’t let go! The matter has gained a central position in the person’s life and it seems impossible to face it or even to have it wander in the mind.

There is a fatigued hope to clean every stained dish, but the dishwashing liquid is running low and getting very diluted.

Sometimes, if only I can run, and hide, and run further, and hide, it would be easier; but it would just be too easy that nothing else would be meaningful anymore.

Events have been different these days. God has been gracious to put me around people who know who they are and not any of those who make things difficult by being hypocrites and stirring up matters to gain that bit of attention, but of course they still do come around in any case, whether they be that random KL driver on the road who honks whenever and whatever happens, regardless of necessity, or the person who can’t get competitiveness out of the head for a moment to be in that moment of sheer care and joy.

I still stick to my opinion that if the situation does not call for it, honking shall be left until necessary, which means when after flashing, the other driver ignores and continues speeding out of a junction or somehow you’re just on the person’s blind-spot.

Another thing is competitiveness. It’s such a sad urge in certain people who want to show too much of what they have or can do or achieve that they do not realise they shove the people around them too far away, even those who sincerely care.

What I’m trying to get to here is, I so much prefer the idea of bonding without having to worry about the other party feeling so threatened about whoever you are. At the end of the day, it’s not about how much we benefit from the bonding that matters most, but how much we have shared and given unconditionally.

***nostalgic and emotional***