From The Bottom Of My Heart

Knowing one’s own self is a precious gift everyone can give themselves. It is the most essential aspect of the self that brings freedom besides from learning to walk with God spiritually. When we know the things that we like, the shows that we love watching, the goal that drives us, the people and pleasures that inspire and make us smile and laugh heartily, we are on our way to liberty that will not disappear even when we feel lonely. This liberty is one of great security and peace. The liberty that when the self is immersed in, will be ever truthful to and joyful with everyone because there is the assurance of self.

Generally, our self-esteem is built upon the basis of evaluating our values and by gaining an insight into ourselves through the response and reactions of others (the mirror theory). Of course, it is important to be around those who make us feel valued, but the compliments and judgments must be authentic, not just dished out with ulterior motives but to build us from the inside out. From the inside out. The people who make us feel valued must be able to listen to our ideas, dreams, hopes, frustrations and problems, and accept our idiosyncrasies, and vice versa. It is must always be a two-way interaction, not a one-way ‘wall’-teraction.

The self is really important, though at times it is as complicated as a spider’s web. To truly be happy and to accept ourselves, we must dig deep down into that inner core to learn about all that we hold dear to. When we are truly happy and satisfied with ourselves and how we view the self to be, only can we spread our joy to others and to have others accept us as we are. Looking at the positive side of events can never be wrong in getting the best out of things. If we expect to lose grasp on an egg, there is a more than 60 % chance that it would literally fall off our hold and break eventually. Seriously. But if we expect to handle it with care, it would turn out fine.

The self in truth, strives for many things. That is why there is an urgent call to allow the self to fulfil freely what it feels are essential adventures, after calculating the costs and consequences with rationality. Whenever an adventure fails due to self-suppression, be it an outing or a personal shopping plan, the self would be dissatisfied, thus disturbed and unhappy. Hence, it is crucial to see to it that the self’s schedule is planned properly in a way that welcomes self-growth as well as harmony with others. To achieve this, decision-making plays a huge role. Appropriate and wise decisions that swing in symphony to the plans of others are as rewarding as a good night’s rest.

This entry has been brought to words after two days of running thoughts and endless attempts to reason with the self the importance of the self and the joy that the self must feel. I have tried as best as I can to summarise without the meaning being lost. The positive growth and nurturing of self through integrity and wisdom are of utmost important in being truly, truly, blessedly happy.

Wisdom’s Call from Proverbs 8: 12 – 21:

“I, wisdom, dwell together with prudence; I possess knowledge and discretion. To fear the Lord is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behaviour and perverse speech. Counsel and sound judgment are mine; I have understanding and power. By me kings reign and rulers make laws that are just; by me princes govern and all nobles who rule on earth. I love those who love me and those who seek me find me. With me are riches and honour, enduring wealth and prosperity. My fruit is better than fine gold; what I yield surpasses choice silver. I walk in the way of righteousness, along the paths of justice, bestowing wealth on those who love me and making their treasuries full.”

Today, I did not submit the draft of my thesis for another round of perusal. I decided not to subject myself to anymore tension immediately after an entire stretch of multiple deadlines. Now, I am relieved I still have my sanity and anyway, the submission was optional.

So, I guess I need a holiday. Soon. I am waiting for the time when Krabi would be my destination. But I do not feel like leaving university because I have grown accustomed to it. So typical of the consequence of having a developed comfort zone.

I have been imagining what will become of everyone after this. Will the dynamics of the relationships be affected badly when all is over? Of course they will be affected. Everyone will be equipped with a new pair of wings to traverse different lands. But will the wings bring them back together again? Of course it is a difficult question with no right answer to.

I will cut this short. It is just another phase.

Space and time are endless entities of the earth. Whether we will bump into each other again, is a limited path; but whether we will stay in close touch and in each other’s hearts, is a choice. A choice I’d only be glad to choose.

There is something I would like to share today, an excerpt from Chicken Soup for the Soul, which I pinched out of A Little Sip of Chicken Soup for the Soul: Inspiring Stories of Self-Affirmation, a small hard-cover book that cost me only RM 4.90. At current time, I do not own the Chicken Soup for the Soul book, which is the pioneer edition of the Chicken Soup collection but I think I would get one for myself soon.

The excerpt:

We Know Everything

We know everything we need to know to end the needless emotional suffering that many people currently experience. High self-esteem and personal effectiveness are available to anyone willing to take the time to pursue them.

Taking the time to make sense of ourselves and our thoughts is valueless. When we reflect on the things we have been occupied with every few moments, it is a whole new dimension of our present and future that we bring forth in order to further appreciate our very presence that runs parallel with time. Every element in our lives overlaps each other to create "this" special moment.

We shall rejoice in faith, grace, glory and love.

I’m thinking:

I’m at this moment very touched by passion and compassion, and still thinking about security. Whenever I feel insecure about anything, I would become haywire and my thoughts would be messed up. It is so typical of insecurity; somewhat like imagining if I lose my clothes how I would end up being looked at by others and how I would see myself and feel following being exposed so inadvertently.

The feeling is so foreign, even though it’s not like I have never been through it, but it uproots my entire self and I feel I need to search for another solid ground to plant my roots again. My faith and love are not diminished, they are just shaken momentarily and I need to learn to stay rooted even when the storm attacks. I need to stay rooted but still with the old roots, so I need root boosters.

On another side of the recesses of my brain and heart, I have been touched by the passion displayed by the disabled. There is a life I have been very much touched by; that of Yvonne Foong, who writes regularly for the Yellow Post. Her life as a neurofibromatosis patient has not stopped her from doing so much. She is partially or completely deaf now and on a wheelchair, yet still studying in the US and travels frequently back to Malaysia to help the disabled when she herself needs the aid of others in typing out notes during lectures. When I read about her life on her blog www.yvonnefoong.com, the things she does for others, her strength and deep passion for life itself, I am moved beyond mountains. I must say I feel embarrassed. She is inexhaustible but I can be tired even when I am so able and not doing as much as she is. She is just a true epitome of faith and courage.

Today:

Today, we did an active listening activity in which messages were passed from person to person and the last person would decode the message out loud for everyone to hear for themselves how distorted the messages could become, and it proved much.

It was so cliche, but sometimes, truths need to be brought to practice for their meanings to really be appreciated and penetrate deep into our understanding. Because messages are always distorted in one way or another, active listening is all the more important to build a communication of substance instead of merely speaking with blanks. Well, I think it could also serve as a prevention for Alzheimer’s since the brain would be actively processing the message into fathomable information.

The other day:

An incident happened on Monday that left me feeling blessed. I guess angels were protecting See Wah, Karin and I when we were so close to being caught in a pile-up in front of Mid Valley. I was driving on the right side of two lanes, moving downhill, when a few cars in front of us suddenly kissed each other. In short, when I was to have hit the break in panic, I hit the accelerator instead and swerved to the left. All three of us were imagining the worst right at that particular moment but we managed to actually sail smoothly along the left lane with other cars while feeling tremendously alarmed yet thankful. It was close. A close encounter of tragedy, but a blessing in disguise. I thank the angel who pushed my leg a little to the right.

Now:

"A life of truth is a life worth believing in, a life of love is a life worth living for, a life of permanence is a life worth waking up to, a life of security is a life of truth, love and permanence."